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Field notes

The shed journal of Useless

Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. This time it has been left in a garden shed with a notebook and strict instructions not to poke anything. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.

Useless, a pink-and-blue eraser with googly eyes
  1. Day 1

    Spiders can’t chew, so they turn their dinner into soup first. I can’t chew either. I just get chewed, mostly at the end of pencils. checked

  2. Day 2

    A thread of spider silk long enough to go round the Earth would weigh less than 500 grams. I weigh almost nothing and have never been round anything except the classroom bin. checked

  3. Day 3

    Zebra spiders can jump over 14 times their own body length. I once fell 14 times my own length, off a desk. It didn’t count as a jump. checked

  4. Day 4

    Most orb webs are rebuilt every day. I also start again every day, mainly because someone rubs out whatever I did yesterday. checked

  5. Day 5

    A spider can drop a leg to escape. I can drop crumbs. They escape too, usually under the radiator. checked

  6. Day 6

    Spiders bend their legs with muscles but straighten them with blood pressure. I don’t have legs, blood or pressure. Very relaxing. checked

  7. Day 7

    Water spiders take air down with them in the hairs on their bodies. I took a breath once before going in a pencil case. It didn’t help. checked

  8. Day 8

    Male nursery web spiders bring a gift and pretend to be dead. I have tried pretending to be dead. Nobody noticed any difference. checked

  9. Day 9

    Garden spiders sit in the middle of the web and wait for something to happen. I do the same in the middle of the desk. Nothing has happened since 2019. checked

  10. Day 10

    Spiderlings travel on silk threads in the wind, sometimes more than 800 metres up. The highest I’ve been is the top of a bookshelf, and I was thrown. checked

  11. Day 11

    Spiders moult to grow, then keep still until their new skin hardens. I get smaller every time I work, and nobody waits for anything. checked

  12. Day 12

    The cellar spider wobbles its web when disturbed. I wobble when disturbed too, and also when not. checked

  13. Day 13

    Jumping spiders recognise their friends with their eyes. I recognise mine by the teeth marks. checked

  14. Day 14

    Spiders in the bath came down the walls, not up the plughole. I came out of a drawer, which is far less dramatic. checked

  15. Day 15

    Flower crab spiders can change colour to match a flower. I can change colour too. It’s called grey. checked